Thursday, September 23, 2010

Domestic Support

I'm going to try and continue to post about the topics in my small group - assuming they're worth posting about.  So far, they are!  I do not know the topics ahead of time, but I'm sure over the semester they will cover many different areas we moms/wives face daily!

So the past couple of weeks have been on Domestic Support.  It pretty much looks different for every couple and family.  BUT, the key is communicating it to each other with clear expectations and role definition.

In the book His Need, Her Needs by Dr. Williard Harley, he ranks the 10 most common emotional needs in a marriage.

1.  Affection
2.  Sex
3.  Conversation
4.  Recreational Companionship
5.  Honesty and Openness
6.  Physical Attractiveness
7.  Financial Support
8.  Domestic Support
9.  Family Commitment
10.  Admiration

Obviously, the level of each need ranges for men and women and person to person.  But Domestic Support is possibly a bigger need for our husbands than we realize!

Men want to come home life free of stress and worry!  Which, as I'm learning, looks different for each man.

So our "homework" was to go home and discuss and identify our Household Responsibilities - basically anything that keeps your house functioning.  Then divide them up.  Ours is pretty much divided up as "I do the inside, and He does the outside".  And this is mainly because I'm a stay at home mom and not working outside the home.  Probably, no, it WOULD be completely different if I worked a 9:00-5:00 job!

Then I asked Robert what is his ideal scenario when he walks through the door in the evening.

Is is having a home cooked, meat and 3 meal on the table every night, but maybe the house is a wreck?

Is it have a spic and span house where there is not a single spot of dust anywhere, but no dinner on the table?

Is it having a PERFECT house and dinner, but unhappy kids and wife?

You get the point.

Anyway, his response was (and I really already knew it), "I just want the house picked up.  I clean up my job site right before I come home and the last thing I want to do is pick up when I get home."

I told him, "I think that's why I call you (bug him) everyday on what time you will be home.  I need a 30 minute heads up in order to do my little rounds around the house!"

Then we got to talking about what we thought we each others top three most important tasks to concentrate on, and others that can slide a little.  The last thing each of us want to do is put all our hard effort into something that doesn't matter very much to our spouse!  I want to concentrate on the things that Robert thinks are the most important!

I have to say, it was a very fun conversation to have.  I felt like it helped us refocus and get on the same page again!  With 4 little ones, it's easy to just do your own, when it's SO much easier to work together.  Although "teamwork" hasn't always been my strongest quality, I'm working on it!

Side note, Robert thinks it's crazy that I have never played on a "team" before.  Sports or what not.  I always grew up playing piano, riding horses, ballet....all "solo" extra curricular activities.  No wonder "teamwork" isn't easy for me! HA!

Anyway, I encourage you to sit down with your spouse and get talkin'!  It's fun and you just may learn somethings you never knew about him!!


  1. Which small group are you taking?

  2. @The Hairstons

    It's the mentoring women small group! Meets at the Riverchase campus on Wednesdays at 9:30!

  3. oh ok! I went to a few of those last time. I have been wanting to go this semester but something has kept coming up every week. I think I may start next week. Isn't Cindy Acton so sweet?! I love her sweet spirit! Did everyone already pay the childcare $$?

  4. @The Hairstons

    She is GREAT! Yes, the childcare is $35 (two kids) for the SEMESTER!!!!!!! Deal of a life time for me!!!! You should come!

  5. I asked Jacob about this...he said he just wanted things out of the way, so that everything's not a hassle, like no shoes in the middle of the closet doorway (like they were yesterday--haha!). Thanks again for the reminder! My mom too always emphasizes making the home stress-free for your's worked for them for 33 years. :)


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